5 signs to look out for before getting into marriage
No relationship is perfect, both in the personal or business
sphere, but a good relationship makes you feel secure, happy and respected. Every
relationship starts from somewhere; it can be initiated by one or both parties
involved. There are different types of relationship, but our main focus is the
relationship of the heart.
Marriage is a relationship where two different beings are
joined to become one soul – so to speak. Being married is about joining two
lives together, not giving up one for another, therefore completing each
other’s lapses. Marriage like every other relationships, takes hard work to
strive, where both parties are willing to make it work; adapting to each
other’s faults, moods and idiosyncrasies. Well, it takes two to tangle, so,
whenever one party stops trying to make it work out, it slowly becomes toxic.
READ: 5 things to try if falling out of love
On the other hand, toxic relationship – these relationships
metaphors into something that has the potential, if not corrected, to be
extremely harmful to our well-being. This kind of relationship causes physical,
emotional and psychological trauma which can lead to an abject state of
confusion.
Do marriages become toxic? Yes… of course they do – if Romeo
and Juliet were alive, I’m sure they would be swearing on each other by now.
Marriage is a RELATIONSHIP, a SHIP built in relation to both parties
in it; hence, needing two captains to sail the ship. Marriage is a commitment
intended to last a lifetime – if or when eventually there is a storm, it needs
to be faced head on; no time for breaks or time outs, both parties need to put
in work in order to making it better.
“Speaking of better, instead of
wondering if he/she is the BEST you can do, focus on making your marriage the
BEST it can be.”
How do you know when you are
ready for marriage? Well, that’s a billion dollars question with a penny to its
answer. However, present that question to singles of nowadays and you’ll likely
get the played out, “when you meet the right person, you’ll know.” I mean, that
answer is so outdated and retarded. Successful marriages take more than being
madly in love – so to speak – some prepared self-awareness is vital – take
note!
Choosing a good partner can have
a major impact on your well-being; not everyone would make a good spouse (or
rather, a good spouse for you). You’ll want to look for certain characteristics
that will benefit the relationship in the long run. Above all, you can’t be
happy with someone else until you’re completely happy with yourself.
READ: relationship is a ladder to success
So, before going down on one knee
or walk down the aisle – and perhaps saying “I do,” to your prince charming or
maybe, your island princess. There are signs and pointers you might want to
look out for. Well, I can only give you as much as five (5).
- 1. Control
This is one of
many absurd things to happen in a relationship; your partner is not a toy you
own. Relationships should be based on love, mutual respect and freedom. Total
freedom is demanded in marriage – freedom to love and to be loved back
accordingly without any restrictions to personal choices. Relationship is not a
dictatorship setting where one party is subjected to a “yes sir” or “yes ma’am”
type of love. “In relationships, your spouse’s opinions matters, suggestions
are acceptable and choices should be respected.” Anything of the contrary,
should be frowned at and not to be endorsed.
- 2. Extreme jealousy
In relationship, jealousy is a
good sign of love, but when it becomes too much, harms the relationship – as
the saying goes, “too much of everything is bad for you.” It is understandable
for being jealous after seeing someone else flirting with your partner – in
fact, very understandable. Getting jealous at every single interval, every
handshake, every business meetings and possibly every close friend, endangers
the relationship. For every time you get jealous, the thought of infidelity
sets in; always on your partner’s trail, hoping you’d catch them in the act.
Hence, raising suspicious thought; giving room for distrust.
There is a thin line between
jealousy and obsessiveness, when jealousy becomes extra, it transcends (from
every form of human sanity) and become obsessiveness (somewhat insanity) which
can be toxic for the relationship.
- 3. Responsibility
A person who would make a good
spouse must and should be responsible. And of course, the same quality is
required of you. There are duties and roles that each partner carries out in a
relationship, these duties are called responsibilities. Any partner, who can’t
fulfill their said duty, isn’t ready for marriage.
Successful relationship has
become like flat tummy; everybody wants it but most of them are not ready to
work out for it. They focus more on the stress of building a lasting marriage
rather than the success of the marriage.
- 4. Trust
Love and trust are essential
elements to a successful relationship; trust, a firm belief and acceptance of
the truth of a statement without proof. As humans, we are prone to seasonal
suspicious feelings, but when does feelings come, do we go through the right
channel by asking questions rather than assuming. “Rumors come and go, but the
truth is somewhere behind.” Jumping into conclusion is quite disastrous; the
benefit of doubt is owed to your partner. Couples should realize that the truth
is exactly what your partner says it is, until proven otherwise – with prove
that is.
- 5 Honesty
Honesty for a fact is the icing
on the cake for every relationship – where your word becomes your bond. Honesty
is to relationship what a solid foundation is to a building; a building built
on solid rock will last many years. Even in the bible, it’s written “then you
shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” (John 8:32). Relationships built on lies will surely
collapse, for hidden truths are far less hurtful if told rather than being
found out.
With love comes honesty, and with
honesty comes trust. The primary purpose for marriage is to find yourself a
life’s partner in whom you can confide in, tell stories, jokes, and secrets,
and hopefully spend the rest of your life with that said partner. Honesty is a
sign and trait of nobility, and if your partner is lacking in that aspect,
don’t bother to tie the knots with such person because it isn’t worth it – all
you’ll be left with is disappointment.
Don’t be deceived by anyone sugar talking you with the “love is blind
“ quote, looking for a weak spot to your heart; for if you fall for this cheap
words, in your folly you shall realize “marriage is indeed an eye opener.” The
above signs may help you locate “Mr.” or “Mrs.” Right or perhaps makes you the
right one to someone who is still single and searching. Remember, there is no
such thing as a “happy ending.” – In modern day love story, Romeo and Juliet
must have consulted a relationship counselor…… “And they lived happily ever
after,” this statement is a figment of some love-struck writer’s imagination.
ALSO READ ON: signs and causes of toxic relationship
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